


Future Forgiveness

by idra



Series: 30 Days of Fic (June 2014) [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Future Fic, M/M, Other characters mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2014-06-05
Packaged: 2018-02-03 11:33:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1743194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idra/pseuds/idra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles forgives Derek.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Future Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> I was at work, listening to music and the song “I Forgive You” By Kelly Clarkson came on my shuffle and it just struck a chord in me. I spent most of the day and evening trying to figure out how to write it into a fic and then it hit me. So here’s the finished product.

Stiles looks at Derek and smiles. “Long time no see.”

Derek’s expression remains impassive and Stiles sighs a little, smile never wavering. “So, obviously I’m here on purpose. I mean, I have a reason for being here. Or I wouldn’t be on your doorstep.” 

One eyebrow lifts up and Stiles ducks his head, hating that his stomach flutters at that simple, familiar gesture. Derek could always get to him, just by staring at him the right way. “Right. That much is obvious.” He swallows, licking his lips and running his hand through messy hair. He misses the way Derek closes his eyes and licks his own lips before Derek manages to school his expression back to blankness. “I forgive you. And I forgive me. And I just wanted you to know that I don’t blame you. I don’t hate you. We didn’t do anything wrong, except maybe the whole breaking each other’s hearts. At least I’m guessing.” Stiles shrugs. “So… Yeah. I forgive you.” Stiles smiles, licking his lips again before he turns on his heel and walks back down the walkway to where a brand new silver Lexus ISC is parked. 

“Forgive me for what? I told you, back then…” Derek sounds incredulous and his expression belies his confusion. 

Stiles stops, his shoulders dropping a little. “I forgive you for whatever it is you think you need forgiveness for, Der.” He turns back, looking at the man who, when he’d been eighteen, had been his first-- and if Stiles is honest and he’s been trying out this honesty thing lately, his only-- love and lover. “I forgive you for not trying hard enough. I forgive you for being a stupid kid who was just trying to figure out his own life. I forgive you for all the stupid things you said to me that last August I was here. I forgive you for pushing me so hard that I didn’t think I could come back.” He shrugs, blinking rapidly. “I forgive you for stealing my heart and keeping it all these years.”

“I never wanted your heart, Stilinski.” Derek snarls the words out and Stiles nods. 

“I forgive you for that too.” Stiles smiles, two tears slipping down his face. “I forgive you for never loving me as much as I loved you. We were kids. Even if you’re six years older than me, you were a kid too. The damage is done, it’s over. I could’ve hated you, but what’s the use, except the hole it would’ve ate in my soul. Sorry, but there’s enough of them already.” Stiles inhales shakily. “I loved you then and I love you now, Derek. That will never change. You weren’t just my first love and my first lover. You’re the only one who’ll ever have my heart.” He wipes at his face. “Which is why I also said I forgive you, but I forgive me. I forgive me for being stupid enough to still love someone who’ll never love me back.” He blows Derek a kiss and climbs into the Lexus before Derek can stop him again.

He heads back to his childhood home and it's not until he's inside and sees his dad that he breaks. He sinks to the floor where he stands and cries silent tears. After Stiles had been possessed by the Nogitsune, after Allison and Aiden’s deaths, after Peter turned evil again and had to be put down, Stiles had gone to Derek. He’d seduced the older man, or tried, but Derek told him to wait until he was eighteen. So Stiles had. Derek reciprocated. They’d loved each other, or Stiles stupidly believed Derek’s words of love. It wasn’t until Stiles had gone to say goodbye before he went off to Yale. He’d told Derek he wanted to have a long distance relationship and Derek had laughed at him. Told him all he was, was a piece of ass until Derek got bored, so it was for the best that Stiles was leaving, because Derek was getting bored. Stiles had left after Derek threw some more vitriol at him, tears streaming down Stiles’ face. He’d gone off to Yale, gotten the best grades of his life, excelled at everything Yale threw his way, including being drafted from the Bulldogs into the San Francisco Dragons in the MLL. He’d gotten a huge signing bonus and here he was. Heading into his first year in the MLL and he’d wanted to put the past behind him. 

Stiles feels his dad kneeling next to him and those strong arms that helped him through his first real heartbreak wrap around him, murmuring soft words. It doesn’t matter what the Sheriff says, just that Stiles knows he’s there.

They stay that way for a while until the door opens and closes softly and Stiles looks up, surprised to see Scott and Kira standing there. He wipes at his face and gets to his feet. “Hey bro. Hey Kira.”

Then he’s being enveloped in another hug, Scott on one side, Kira on the other. 

“You went to see him?” Kira asks softly, pressing her lips to his cheek. He pulls back and looks at her. She’s hugely pregnant and Stiles can’t help but wonder where his other two godchildren are.

“They’re at Lydia and Jackson’s,” Scott says in reply to Stiles’ questioning look. “Derek called me, spooked because you apparently just showed up on his doorstep and forgave him.”

“I can’t keep holding the grudge, dude.” Stiles shrugs, wiping at his face again. “Told him I forgive him and I forgive myself. I forgive him for being a douche bag and I forgive myself for loving him.”

Kira makes a face. “Stiles, he…” She trails off at a look from Scott. 

“Good for you, bro.” Scott hugs him again. “Look, I…”

“I’m not going to make you choose, Scott. You’re his alpha. You’re his pack. I don’t want to take that away from him. I’ll stay out of his way and the pack’s while I’m visiting my dad. Then I’m moving to San Jose in like two weeks to begin training with the Dragons, so you can tell Sourwolf that he won’t have to go into hiding. I’m not going to go stalker on him.”

Kira looks at Scott, scowling. “Stiles, you need to-“

“That’s good, bro.” Scott cuts Kira off, frowning at her. “Look, we can’t stay but we wanted to come see you and see how it went with Der. Now, we have to go pick up our monsters and maybe we’ll bring them by to see their Grandpa and favourite Uncle.” 

Stiles grins. “Sounds like a plan, bro.” They hug again and Scott drags Kira out, Stiles blocking out their little marital spat over Scott cutting her off. He’s got bigger things to worry about. “Dad! What’s for dinner?”

A week later, Stiles is babysitting Kira and Scott's children, laughing as they make him ride the swings with them, their little girl, Erica, standing on Stiles’ legs as he swings back and forth and their little boy, Boyd, hanging on his back. “Guys, I can’t go any higher.” 

“Uncle Der can,” Erica says with a growl before she drops onto Stiles’ lap, pouting at him. 

“Well, Uncle Der is better than me, obviously,” Stiles snaps, hating the constant comparison between him and Derek. Everything he does, he gets “Uncle Der does it better.” 

Erica’s lower lip quiver and she’s suddenly being plucked off his lap and Stiles starts to yell, but when he sees Derek, he sinks into himself. “There. Now you guys get Uncle Der.” He extricates himself from Boyd’s tight grip on his neck and hands him over to Derek too. “Scott and Kira will be here at five to get them. Bye kids.” He walks away, face flushed. He shouldn’t still have all of these feelings for Derek. Forgiving both of them was supposed to be the start of putting Derek behind himself. Instead it’s only made him think more about the only man he’s ever been with.

He hears his name being called and he turns, watching as Boyd runs towards him and he starts back, scooping up the little boy and holding him close. “Sorry little man. Thought you’d prefer your Uncle Der.”

“Don’ wan’ Uncle Der.” Boyd wraps his arms around Stiles’ neck and clings. “Wan’ my Uncle Stile.” 

Stiles smiles and kisses the boy on the forehead. “Okay, but what about Erica?” 

“’Ric can have him.” Boyd nods. “You ride on the swings with me, okay? I don’ like to go high.”

Stiles laughs and nods, heading back to the swings. Derek’s watching him and when Stiles gets there and takes a swing a few seats down, pulling Boyd onto his lap, Derek finally speaks. “I can’t forgive myself.”

“You should. You were a kid, Derek. What happened between us…” Stiles trails off, his heart breaking all over again just thinking about it. 

“Not that. Though yeah, that’s part of it. I can’t forgive myself for getting my whole family killed. It’s my fault Jennifer went insane on this town. It’s my fault Kate came back. It’s why I pushed you away. I was never good enough for you, Stiles. I’m poison and you deserve to find something better than me.”

“Don’t you get it, Derek? To me? There is no one better. I know that you’re not perfect. Far from it, but neither am I. Your family getting killed was not your fault. You were fifteen, Der, and you’d just lost Paige. Of course Kate seducing you swung your head until you couldn’t tell she was a hunter. Laura was Peter’s fault and Peter…. Well, both times Peter was Peter’s fault.” Stiles licks his lips. “Jennifer went insane because Kali killed their whole pack and tried to kill her and Kali did that because Deucalion went insane and killed his whole pack because gee…. Gerard went insane and turned the wolves against each other and the hunters against the wolves more than before.” Stiles shakes his head. “Kate coming back was Peter’s fault, if anyone’s. The only thing you were guilty of was being a f’n martyr. You always blamed yourself for everything, but Derek, you’re the best kind of man.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Shut up.” Stiles turns to stare at Derek. “Have you ever noticed in movies the bad guy always has some tragic backstory and that’s why he is the way he is?” At Derek’s nod, Stiles smiles. “They chose to do bad things, because they had a convenient excuse. You had the worst things in the world happen to you and you still chose to be a good man. That makes you the best kind of man.” Stiles sniffles and cuddles Boyd close. “That’s why I forgive you. Because you shattered my heart when I was leaving for Yale, but you were still a good man.”

“I’m not.” Derek’s voice is shaky and Stiles looks over at him. “I’m not because I lied. I knew what would hurt you the most. I knew that calling you the things I did-- saying the things I did would make you leave and I was hoping that you’d forget me and find someone better suited to you.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’ve loved you since you were seventeen. I’m saying I never stopped loving you, but you needed to go to college and see the world, not be tied to this town-- tied to me.”

“You idiot.” Stiles sniffles. “I will always be tied to this town as long as Scott, Kira, my dad and Melissa are here. Not to mention I’ll always be tied to this town because this is where my mom is buried. I wanted to be tied to you. I wanted to belong to you.” Stiles takes a shaky breath, glancing up when he sees a shadow coming closer. He smiles a little at Kira’s mom and Dad. “Here to take the brats?” 

She narrows her eyes at Stiles, but Kira’s dad smiles. “Kira and Scott asked us to come get them. We’re taking them overnight.”

Stiles grins. “Lucky kids.” He hands over Boyd, kissing the boy softly on the forehead before Derek passes over Erica to Noshiko. After they walk off, Stiles turns to Derek. “I want to belong to you, Derek. I’ve always wanted to belong to you.”

“Stiles, I…”

“No. If you’re not willing to work on us with a distance between us, say it now before I fall head over heels again. Because I’m not doing this again. I have avoided this town for six years because I didn’t think I could handle seeing you. We’re grown-ups now, so let’s act like it. Do you want to be with me? More than sex, I’m talking a relationship.”

Derek nods, licking his lips. “Yeah.”

“Are you willing to be my boyfriend, lover, partner, whatever word you want to use to describe us, even though I’ll be living in San Jose starting in two weeks and I’ll be there until, God willing, early September?”

“I want to be yours, Stiles. But… Why are you willing to give me a chance?” 

“A second chance.” Stiles looks at him and sighs. “I never stopped loving you, Derek. I love you so much that to this day, you’re still the only one who’s ever touched me.” Stiles looks down at that admission. “I tried, in college. Got drunk, partied, but every time someone tried to touch me, I felt like I was betraying you. So I stopped drinking and focused on my studies. It’s why I finished my Masters in six years. It’s part of why the Dragons recruited me. I busted my ass on the lacrosse field until I could play against all of the wolves and beat them.” Stiles sighs a little. “Are you willing to work with me here?”

“No one has touched me since you.” Derek moves closer. “This is crazy. I never thought I could have you again.” Derek wraps his arms around Stiles and smiles. Stiles smiles back, loving that he’s actually just a little taller than Derek now. Derek leans up the two inches separating them and kisses Stiles gently.

Stiles breaks the kiss, cupping Derek’s stubbled face. “This won’t be easy. I’m probably more of a prick than I was when I was kid. I’m going to be a total asshole to you for a while. We could’ve had this all along, Der.” 

“I know. I forgive you, Stiles.” Derek smiles and rests his forehead against Stiles’. “And I think I can start to forgive myself.”

Stiles beams and kisses him, not caring that they’re in the middle of a children’s playground. He’s got everything he’s always wanted and somehow, he knows he and Derek will make this work this time. There’s more at stake and they both have admitted that they want this as much as the other. There’s no way they won’t work out this time around.


End file.
